I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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