i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
