I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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