So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
