nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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