We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
