Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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