just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
