She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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