the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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