this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
