Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
