She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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