she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
