no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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