i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I have feelings that need drinking.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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