I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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