can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
