Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
