I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
