i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
