So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
