Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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