Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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