Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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