it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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