In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
