just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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