yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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