Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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