every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
