i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
