HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
