I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
