OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
