And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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