Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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