I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
