I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
