Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
