wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
No subtext here. People are naked.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
