I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
