did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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