so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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