she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
