Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
