we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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