My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
