SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
