K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
