So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
